i will always be that way

covered from the outside and covered from the inside

i trip and mess up sometimes even though i try not to

im in a BIG hole at the moment and i dont know how to get out

im afraid that if i do find a path, that i wouldnt take it

what have i turned into?

what became of the once innocent girl who wouldnt dare do anything wrong

am i still a believer?

i believe

does it count?

i need help, and i dont know who to turn to

im being selfish and ignorant

i need to stop, i need to stop

but how, i need a how

these things are crawling onto me and im getting scared

i want to go to Heaven, i want to be under the shade of the Throne

i need help

i KNOW i am a coveredmuslimgirl

but to what extent?

what am i doing? i need to stop? i dont want to stop tho, i really dont…

this is getting way too hard, i need help

i cry myself to sleep because im hating myself

someone, i need help

wat is the rubric??

i know i must live as a good muslim, praying five times a day, fasting, helping others, obeying my parents…. but sometimes its really hard, sometimes i feel like i just want to let go, sometimes i think of wat would happen if i ran away, someties i think of things that im so tempted to do but dont do it because i know that doing those things is hitting below the belt, sometimes i start heting things i try not to hate people,

i hate the earth because it carries us and has all those natural disasters,

i hate the trees becuase they look so pretty and green,

i hate the rock because it never has to think of whether its doing the right thing,

i hate the car because instead of making disicions of its own other ppl guide it,

i hate the mail becasue it gets to go anywhere at whenever times,

i hate things that dont have a soul, and that dont have the ability to think,

is it wrong for me to hate these things?? i really dont know, sometimes i want help, but dont know how to ask

i know my friends are there, but making those words come out of my mouth is as hard as swollowing a bunch of nails: it hurts